While processing pictures to make last year's photo album, I'm amazed to see how my kids have grown. It happens so slowly before my eyes. This is what keeps me going as a mother: I enjoy every second of my children's childhood, because I will never get it back. I might not be perfect. Some days I might spend too much time writing emails to the Captain or partaking in retail therapy of the online sort, but I always make sure to pause and enjoy what my kids are doing. We don't get out as often as we could, and sometimes homeschooling is more haphazard than not, but I really try to just hold my kids while they are kids.
I wrote the Captain that this is also the biggest reason not to mope while he's gone. I don't wish away the months, because when they are gone, my kids will be nine months older, and I can't get that nine months back. I don't feel sorry for myself, because I get to enjoy these nine months and he doesn't (that breaks my heart). And as much as I do not enjoy pregnancy, I don't wish it over, because when it is, my kids will all be a different age, and for now 1, 3, and 5 are the best ages ever. Seriously.
I heard an interview on the radio, and one question was something like, "When was the last time you felt really alive?" I can honestly say that I have moments (almost) every day where I just pause time and savor my children and feel alive. I do it for the Captain, because he's not here, and I do it for myself so I can say I soaked up every second of their childhood.
That's not to say I don't waste time. I'm actually better at that than I would like. But, without further ado, here are the comparison shots between April 2011 and April 2012.
|2011- My happy baby|
|2012- A year has made him stretch out a bit, |
but he's still my baby.
|2011- Just after she gave herself a pretty decent haircut. |
I love her expression.
|2012- Notice the necklace is worn in|
the same fashion as at the fair last week.
|2011- The hairdo that inspired Briar Rose |
to cut her hair a year ago.
|2012- There's no baby left in that face! :`(|